03:02:55 Saturday December 06 2003
I had a rude awakening today. I got up and returned a phone call that I received from Kelsey yesterday. Kelsey was the engineer across the hall from me back in good old Harrison Hall my freshman year. He seemed so bland at first. Even as compared to me he had an unbelievably strict set of morals. Well as everyone else dropped out around us I began to get to know Kelsey better. Of course all of us were in a constant state of flux at that time, but it was very interesting to watch Kelsey mature. In some regards his strict morally code was a crutch that he would use to excuse himself from moral ambivalent situations and to distance himself from persons of moral turpitude. However from another point of view it gave him a lot of inner strength. Where as the rest of us were just trying to figure it all out from scratch Kelsey had an instruction manual of sorts. He had somewhere to start. As he grew his morals matured. This isn't to say that he has relaxed his morals, quite the contrary he is probably the most moral person I know. When I say they matured, I mean he learned to pick his battles which is something we could all stand to learn.

Back to the narrative at hand. When I returned his call I expected to have a conversation with him about politics or religion or philosophy as we are wont to do. I had none of these conversations.

Him: "Hello. Jeff Kelsey."
Me: "Dan Noland"
Him: "So I finally got a hold of you."
Me: "Sorry about that. My phone was charging yesterday and I didn't get back from the lab until late. So what's up?"
Him: "My dad died yesterday. He had a heart attack."

Holly shit! We have just lost cabin pressure. Finding myself at a loss I stammer some condolences. I don't know what to say at a time like this. Men aren't really supposed to know, and I am no exception. I suspect that he sensed that I didn't know what to say because he quickly mentioned how busy he was with the arrangements and let me off the line with a promise to call back later today. (He didn't.)

After spending the afternoon/evening in the Xinu Lab I came home and called my father. I felt compelled to. Kelsey's dad is only a few years older than mine. It made me realize that I could lose him at any time. We had a great conversation.

I looked up the date and time of the visitation hours at the funeral home. So on Sunday I will put some more miles on my car and go visit Kelsey. I suppose that this is just the traditional male reaction to death. Girls get to cry, but men need to "do something" about death. We need to make funeral arrangements or take care of someone or drive across the state. Anything to feel that we still have some power left even when faced with an enemy that will eventually defeat us all.